Currently Listening A Tragedy in Progress By Across Five Aprils see related

so.

URL.

http://www.xanga.com/xbrokenxtragedyx3

add it if you want. your choice. i needed to get a new xanga anyways. somethings wrong with this one.

x3

Currently Listening A Tragedy in Progress By Across Five Aprils see related

fuck...

i hate holidays. i cant stand being around my family. yeah some of them are okay. but some of them are so fucking judgemental. i hate it. all they did was judge me. for my looks. for the way i act. but do they judge my brother? no. they dont. he does worse stuff then me. like drugs. yeah i think thats worse then my cutting. but they dont fucking care. yeah i do weed. but thats it. they judge me for everything i do. but when they find out about all the stuff my brother does. oh its okay. hes eighteen. well they never did anything when he wasnt eighteen. what the fuck.

i went up to the mall yesterday. i really cant stand going to the mall. i hate being around people. its also to loud there. i only go there so i can go to Hot Topic & Spencers. i bought alot of new lip rings at Hot Topic. & a new studded belt.

i dont know whats wrong with me today. im just sad. & depressed. well im always depressed. but i dont get why im so sad. i was just looking at my myspace & i just started crying. & i couldnt stop. i guess it just this whole thing with my dad & how i cant go to my school anymore. yeah i know i hate school but i didnt want to leave the friends i had left. i just dont fucking get how they can just kick me out after they told me i could finish the year there. my dad said he never called the school about me living with him again. i dont know what to believe. i dont live with him. & i never will again. im done with him.

ive been thinking alot about my cutting. i realize how cutting is basically my life. yeah some people do it because they feel it takes the pain away. well i do it for that. but then i also realize that i dont think i can live without cutting. its just the thing that always helps me when i have nothing. i dont think ill ever be able to stop ive tried so much but i never could.

x3

Currently Listening We Are Pilots By Shiny Toy Guns see related

its been a little while...

things. are. bad. as usual. i cant go to my school anymore. yesterday was my last day. yeah i hate my school. but i dont want to leave my friends. or the friends that i have left. my dad of course did this. i hate him so much. how could he do this to me. well i do derserve this.

ive been cutting alot lately. my aunt found out & told me that its okay if i do it a little. she said she wont put me in the hospital. so yeah. thats good.

i got into a fight with my old best friend. a fist fight heres how i went::

her::im guna kill your brother. he called me a cunt.
me::oh. okay then. i dont care.
me::why does everyone get so offended with that word. its just a word. get over it.
her::because i hate that word. its dirty.
me::nicole get over it. its a fucking word.
her::oh shut up amber.
me::dont fucking tell me to shut up.
her::im guna kick your brothers ass.
me::dont put your fucking hands on my brother.
her::why. he called me a cunt.

then we walked into class.

me::maybe you should stop acting like a cunt.
she got in my face.
me::what are you guna do. go ahead do something.
shes pushes me.
i pushed her.
she punched me in the face.
i punched her in the face.
teacher comes between us.
im still swinging my fist at her face.

i hate when people say they are guna do something to my brother. if its a guy. i  cant do anything about it. but if its a girl. i definately can. & i did. yeah i know my brother is 18 years old. but im still very protective over him. even though he can fight for himself.

Connor & me are good. weve been talking. ilovehim. just wish we lived closer. its almost been a year for me & him. on the 31st of December.

dont know when im guna update again so yeah.

x3

Currently Listening Liberation Transmission By Lostprophets Always Always see related

why?...

my friend just died like a week ago. i cant seem to get over it. i cared about him. everyone thinks i should get over it. but how can someone get over someones death so quickly. please tell me. because id really like to know.

forget about that guy i mentioned in one of my entrys. i love Connor. no one else. i guess when i liked that guy i didnt realize how much i loved Connor. but Connor wont talk to me. he hasnt called me. i dont know why. i mean he cant see this xanga. he doesnt even know i have one. so he couldnt of read what i wrote. im just so scared because if i lose him im gone. hes my everything. i call him last sunday. but no one answered. so on thursday my aunt blocked her number & called him for me to see if he would answer. he did. then i texted him & told him to call me later that night. well he called me right after i texted him. heres our two mintue conversation.

me::hello?
him::hi. what do you want.
me::nothing. are you mad at me or something.
him::no im not.
me::okay. whatever.
him::i got to go cause im still in school.
me::okay ill talk to you later. i guess.

yeah so somethings wrong with him. i just need to talk to him so bad. hes hurting me & he doesnt even realize it. hes just letting me slip away.

x3

Currently Listening On Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax By Alesana apology see related

yep...

so basically im done with this life. im so sick of everyone. & everything. im sick of school. im sick of myself. im sick of living this way. i should not be around. all i do is ruin everyones lives. im a mistake.

if your guna comment me. dont tell me anything to make me feel better. because guess what it wont work. i wont believe you. i never believe someone when they tell me good things about myself. so dont try. youll be wasting your time. so yeah.

x3